From Acknowledgment To Engagement: Key Questions To Reframe Issues And Get Action When Clients Are Off Track

Not every financial planning conversation falls neatly into a 'Fix', 'Fine', or 'Flourish' meeting bucket.

Sometimes, the client isn't in crisis, but they're clearly off track. Maybe they've been spending more than planned. Maybe they haven't adjusted their portfolio despite recent life changes. Or maybe they're quietly drifting away from the goals they once prioritized. There's no emergency, but the current trajectory leads somewhere problematic.

Welcome to the Flounder Meeting: the murky middle where something needs to shift, but the client doesn't always feel the same urgency as the advisor.

To better understand where these conversations fit, it can help to consider the broader range of meeting types that often arise in a financial planning relationship. These six categories emerged during a class discussion with my Kansas State students, who shared insights about the types of meetings they experience and how they might be organized:

• Fix Meeting: There's a clear, urgent problem that both the advisor and client want to address.
• Fine Meeting: Everything is on track, and the advisor provides reinforcement.
• Flourish Meeting: Clients are thriving, and the focus is on expanding possibilities.
• Flounder Meeting: Clients are off track but not in crisis – resets are needed.
• Failure Meeting: Clients have remained off track, and there's now a crisis.
• Fear & Fire Meeting: Either the client or the advisor is ending the relationship.

Flounder Meetings are rarely enjoyable (though certainly better than a Fear & Fire Meeting). They can be some of the most emotionally and relationally challenging conversations in financial planning – not because the math is hard, but because shame can surface, and motivation to get back on track is often low and misaligned.

At their best, Flounder Meetings offer a chance to reset. But too often, they turn into conversations that feel more like lectures, where the advisor outlines what's wrong and offers clear fixes, while the client nods politely, promises to 'think about it', and leaves without making meaningful changes. Everyone walks away feeling uneasy.

The result? A plan that looks 'okay enough' on paper, but stalls in practice.

Let's explore why that happens – and what to do instead.

Why The Directive Approach Feels Natural In Client Meetings

When advisors take a directive tone with clients in need of a reset, it's rarely about arrogance or being out of touch; it's usually rooted in genuine concern and a desire to help.

The impulse to jump into problem-solving runs deep, especially when time is short and consequences are high. Many advisors were never taught another way to handle difficult conversations. And outside of planning, most people grow up seeing the lecture model in action – whether as parents, children, teachers, or students.

When a client is veering off track, even subtly, it activates something deep in the advisor's mindset: a sense of responsibility. Advisors know what's coming if nothing changes. They can already see the trade-offs looming: delayed retirement, funding gaps, limited choices. And they feel the weight of helping clients avoid pain before it arrives.

On top of that, planning meetings typically last just 60 minutes. So advisors come prepared. They've reviewed the data, run projections, and enter the meeting ready to solve. It feels efficient – and client-focused – to cut to the chase: "Here's the problem. Here's the fix. Let's move."

And that impulse makes sense. In fact, it's a sign of the advisor's care, competence, and commitment. But here's the challenge: Urgency for the advisor can land as judgment to the client. And speed, even when well-intentioned, can shut down engagement.

Clients Might Resist Good Advice When It Lands As Judgment

Client resistance often stems not from laziness or irrationality, but from feeling excluded from the process, like the plan is happening to them instead of with them. Often, clients enter a Flounder Meeting already knowing something is off. They may have delayed scheduling, dodged emails, or feel uneasy about recent spending. There may be guilt around lifestyle creep, gifts, or unmade decisions.

In that state, gentle statements like "We need to talk about spending" or "Your retirement projections no longer work" can feel like a spotlight on what's wrong. Even if the advisor's tone is calm and respectful, the message – You're doing it wrong – lands hard. And even though the fix is technically correct, it won't stick if the client doesn't feel seen, heard, and respected in the process of creating it.

That's because when people feel cornered or disregarded, they push back or shut down. It's a natural psychological defense called reactance: When autonomy feels threatened, people instinctively resist, even if the advice that triggers the reaction is good and is coming from someone who cares. Layer on some financial shame, and you've got a quiet, tense, deflecting client who's nodding but not connecting.

The deeper issue? If clients don't fully understand the implications of their choices – or don't feel involved in shaping the path forward – they're unlikely to follow through. Even a brilliant plan falls flat if the client walks away without buy-in.

From Steering To Scanning: Reframing The Advisor's Role In Flounder Meetings

It's tempting to think of a Flounder Meeting as a chance to steer the ship back on course. But what if that's not quite the right image?

Rather than one person taking the wheel, imagine two people scanning the horizon together, figuring out where they're going and what adjustments they want to get there. The goal isn't just clarity. It's shared ownership.

Behavioral finance and coaching psychology tell us that people are more likely to follow through on plans they helped create, especially when those plans reflect their values, their circumstances, and their agency.

That's why the most effective Flounder Meetings are exploratory conversations and not lectures. They're opportunities to reflect together, surface new insights, and co-create the next steps forward. And making this shift starts with language.

• Instead of this: "We need to talk about spending."
  Try this: "Let's step back and look at the big picture; where do we go from here?"
• Instead of this: "At this rate, your retirement savings won't last."
  Try this: "Let's project this forward. What do you think would be possible if we stay on this path?"

These small but powerful shifts turn the conversation from corrective to collaborative. They invite clients to reflect, participate, and decide – not just comply. And in doing so, they increase the odds that clients will take action, not just take notes.

From Urgency To Client Engagement

Let's be clear: the stakes are real. Clients who keep floundering without course correction may face serious consequences. The advisor's concern is valid. The instinct to act quickly is grounded in care.

But if we want that concern to translate into action, the conversation may need to slow down, just enough to bring the client with us. That means asking questions that invite deeper insight. Creating space for moments of reflection. And resisting the urge to rescue the meeting with more data or firmer direction.

At the end of the day, a plan only works if it's implemented. And implementation requires buy-in. Collaboration. Ownership.

That's the heart of a successful Flounder Meeting: not solving the problem for the client, but solving it with them. Because when clients co-create the path forward, they're far more likely to follow through.

The Role Of Psychological Buy-In

One of the biggest barriers to action in a Flounder Meeting is ambivalence: that internal tug-of-war between comfort and change. It's a normal part of any transition, but in emotionally charged situations, ambivalence can quickly escalate. Clients may dig in their heels in frustration, refusing to change, or shut down entirely from emotional overwhelm.

From the advisor's perspective, the path forward is often clear. But for the client, the situation is generally more emotional than analytical. It doesn't feel like "I'm just making a change." It feels more like "I don't know. I'm overwhelmed. Why did I let it get to this point?" That spiral of self-blame and uncertainty often masks something deeper: The overspending, the inertia, and the avoidance may have served a purpose. These behaviors often act as emotional buffers that protect against feelings of loss, stress, or uncertainty – at least temporarily.

This is why giving clients advice that "you need to…" often backfires. It doesn't motivate – it threatens the client's sense of control. Advisors are already familiar with loss aversion bias in investing: No one likes to sell a losing stock because it makes the loss real. No one likes that. Ambivalence around behavior change works the same way – resistance helps clients avoid locking in a sense of regret or failure.

And the emotions beneath that resistance can run deep. In some cases, clients are grieving – mourning not just financial outcomes, but a future version of themselves that's no longer possible, who they feel they've lost. This is known as ambiguous grief: grief over what could have been. Widows, widowers, caregivers, and clients facing major life transitions often wrestle with this, whether they recognize it or not. Everything feels uncertain, different, and hard. No wonder they want to stay on the fence, even if logically they know that acting quicker would be better than waiting.

Advisors don't need to fix that grief, but they can help name it. By holding space for what's hard and walking alongside the client, they make room for forward motion without rushing the process. Progress doesn't require eliminating difficult feelings. What matters is helping the client make a choice they feel good about – one that feels grounded, not pressured.

This is where motivational interviewing research and behavioral coaching meet: People are more likely to take action on solutions they've helped create. Clients don't need to be rescued from their grief. They need to be reminded that just because one path may no longer be available, there's still a next step to take. And they have the power to choose it.

Shifting From Corrective To Collaborative Conversations

Advisors sometimes worry that being less directive means being less helpful. What if the client doesn't realize how important this situation is? What if they misunderstand what's at stake?

True collaboration calls for a different kind of presence: one grounded in structure, clarity, and curiosity.

In a collaborative Flounder Meeting, the advisor's role is to help the client understand their current path, explore alternatives, and build momentum toward a future they feel invested in, not by pushing for a solution, but by facilitating a conversation that invites insight.

And that facilitation starts with language.

Consider the difference between these two phrases:

1. "We need to talk about spending. I have some suggestions."
2. "Let's step back and look at the big financial picture. Where do we go from here?"

Both are trying to address the same issue. But the second invites participation. It frames the client as a thinking partner, not a passive recipient of recommendations.

Consider these additional ways to transform directive statements into more collaborative reframes.

• Instead of this: "At this rate, your retirement savings won't last."
  Try this: "Let's project this forward. What do you think would be possible if we stay on this path?"
• Instead of this: "You need to make adjustments."
  Try this: "What do you think would make the most sense to adjust, given everything that's changed?"
• Instead of this: "We have to address this gap."
  Try this: "How would you like to approach this shift in priorities?"

These statements are strategic tools that elevate the client's sense of agency and expertise in their own life, while reinforcing that change is still needed. And when clients feel respected in the process, they're far more likely to engage in the outcome.

How To Make A Flounder Meeting Feel Collaborative, Not Corrective

Turning a Flounder Meeting into a productive conversation starts with reframing the dynamic. Instead of defaulting to a directive approach, advisors can guide the meeting in a way that invites clients to reengage, reflect, and ultimately take ownership of the change.

A Flounder Meeting becomes more productive when the tone shifts from awkward or corrective to collaborative and constructive. That shift begins when the advisor brings structure and clarity to the conversation while creating space for the client as a coauthor of the plan, not a passive recipient of instructions. At its core, a Flounder Meeting helps the client move from passive acknowledgment to active engagement, building both the desire for change and the confidence to pursue it.

Why Collaborative Conversations Still Need Structure

While collaborative conversations may sound informal, they often follow a clear and steady framework: one rooted in curiosity rather than control. The language an advisor uses plays a key role in client engagement, not by persuading or pushing, but by inviting the client's perspective into the planning process. This ensures that their plan reflects both the advisor's expertise and the client's reality.

Clients still want guidance and structure. But they also want to feel respected, not managed. That's why it helps to ask for permission before bringing in projections or solutions.

For example:

• You've shared a lot of thoughtful insights and ideas about your financial future; would it be helpful to look at a projection together?
• Would you like to run some of these trade-offs through the financial planning software and see how they might play out?
• If we agree to this plan for the next six months, would it help to see the short-term impact before committing?

This type of permission-based structure ensures clients feel in control of the process, without losing the benefit of expert guidance. Once the client has shared what's on their mind, the advisor can offer additional context or solutions that begin to ground those ideas into a realistic, collaborative plan.

So what does that kind of conversation actually look like?

The Three Phases Of A Collaborative Conversation

While no two meetings will sound exactly the same, many successful Flounder Meetings follow a natural rhythm. Below is a three-phase structure that can help guide the conversation from uncertainty to shared action without ever sounding like a lecture.

Phase 1. Explore The Current Trajectory Without Blame

Start by helping the client visualize where things are headed – not as a threat, but as a starting point for reflection. Questions that can open this conversation might include:

• "If we continue on this path, what do you imagine life might look like 10 years from now?"
• "Looking back from that point, what do you think we need to spend the most time on today?"
• "What would future-you be thankful for when looking back and thinking about how this moment was handled?"

This phase is about awareness, not accusation. The goal is to make the situation real without triggering shame. In the sample questions above, the first encourages clients to name the issue themselves, which is very different from the advisor defining the problem for them. The second question shifts the focus to what needs to happen next, encouraging the client to begin envisioning a solution-focused path forward.

The final question brings these two ideas together. It helps the client consider next steps while also framing the present moment as one they can be proud of. Even if this meeting is about being off track, it's still a meaningful moment; they're choosing to pause, reflect, and reengage with their goals.

Phase 2. Help The Client Define the Problem in Their Own Words

Once the client is reflecting, the next phase begins to explore trade-offs and potential adjustments. This is where the client starts to take ownership of the issue and consider what matters most to them.

Helpful questions include:

• "What do you see as the biggest trade-off in staying on this path?"
• "If we were to course-correct, what would an approach look like that feels realistic?"
• "What areas do you feel you could adjust without negatively affecting your day-to-day happiness?"

This phase should feel like brainstorming, not problem-solving. The aim is to draw out the client's perspective and preferences before taking action. Each of the questions above invites openness and reinforces the client's agency. Rather than rushing to identify solutions, the conversation can linger here, because the act of exploring together helps build resilience, confidence, and commitment to whatever comes next.

Phase 3. Frame Adjustments As Meaningful Opportunities

• Finally, reframe proposed changes as opportunities for positive growth, not sacrifices. "What opportunities do we have today that we might not have five years from now?"
• "If we made these adjustments today and stuck with them for a year, what would that allow you to do in the future? How do you see that affecting your future?"
• "How could we think about this as a shift that gives you more options, not fewer?"

When clients begin to see adjustments as aligned with their values and future vision, they're far more likely to engage with the plan. While these questions are still open-ended brainstorming questions, they serve a distinct purpose in this phase: to identify values and draw out the positive motivations for taking action. Like adding weight to one side of a teeter-totter, these questions help tip the balance toward making change, not by pushing, but by making the idea of action feel like a natural next step.

Benefits Of Collaborative Flounder Meetings: What Changes When The Meeting Shifts

When the Flounder Meeting becomes a collaborative reset, several things happen:

• Clients speak more freely, offering insights the advisor may not have uncovered otherwise.
• Advisors gain better context, leading to more nuanced and realistic recommendations.
• Plans get implemented, because clients see them as theirs – not just the advisor's idea.

But perhaps most importantly, the relationship between advisor and client deepens. The Flounder Meeting becomes a turning point – not just in the plan, but in the trust and communication that support long-term success.

A Four-Step Flow For Running A Collaborative Flounder Meeting

With the right structure and conversational tone, a Flounder Meeting doesn't need to feel tense or uncertain. In fact, it can become one of the most powerful and trust-building conversations in the entire advisor-client relationship.

The following four steps offer a practical roadmap to help clients reflect, reengage, and move forward. Each step includes sample questions, psychological insights, and advisor cues to help keep the conversation focused but flexible.

A Flounder Meeting isn't about pointing out what went wrong – it's a space for reflection, collaboration, and renewed direction. With calm structure and steady confidence, the advisor helps create room for the client to move forward. And when clients feel that their advisor believes in their strength and wisdom, that trust becomes a foundation for forward momentum.

Step 1: Visualize Future Reflection

Goal: Help the client zoom out and consider where their current trajectory leads without triggering shame or defensiveness.

Why This Works: These questions create awareness without assigning blame. They invite the client to connect with their values and reflect on long-term goals on their own terms. Clients often know when something isn't working. Giving them the space to talk about it for themselves lets them build self-awareness without judgment and sets the tone for a thoughtful, reflective conversation.

Sample Advisor Questions:

• "Let's go through a thought experiment. If things were to stay exactly the same, what do you imagine life would look like 10 years from now?"
• "Looking back from that future, what would future-you thank you for when reflecting on this season of life?"
• "When you think about the future version of yourself, what do you imagine they would want you to remember or prioritize right now?"

Advisor Tip: Don't rush this part. Give clients space to think and talk. If they offer a short answer, nudge them with a gentle follow-up:

• "Say more about that."
• "What makes you say that?"
• "That sounds important – can we dig into that a bit?"

This isn't just small talk. It's meaning-making.

Step 2: Explore Trade-Offs And Ownership

Goal: Help the client name the gap between where they are and where they want to be – in their own words.

Why This Works: When the client defines the problem, they're more likely to take ownership of the solution. At this stage, the focus is on gathering insight about what matters, identifying obstacles, and building emotional readiness and momentum.

Sample Advisor Questions:

• "What do you see as the biggest trade-off in staying on the path we're on?"
• "What feels hard about making a change right now?"
• "If we were to adjust things, what might a realistic approach look like for you?"
• "Where do you feel most flexibility or control in your current financial life?"

Advisor Tip: If a client seems stuck, try reframing through a third-party lens:

• "If a friend were in this situation, what would you suggest they do?"
• "What do you think someone in your shoes would typically consider next?"

This helps reduce emotional pressure and often leads the client back to their own truth.

Step 3: Reframe Adjustments As Opportunities

Goal: Shift the tone from sacrifice (e.g., "what needs to be cut") to possibility (e.g., "what could be unlocked"). Help the client see how small changes today can unlock more freedom, options, or fulfillment in the future.

Why This Works: People are more motivated by goals they're moving toward, not ones they're trying to avoid. These questions help reframe adjustments as empowering choices rather than limitations. This not only reduces emotional resistance – it increases enthusiasm for follow-through by transforming the conversation from discipline to discovery.

Sample Advisor Questions:

• "What opportunities do we have today that might not be available five years from now?"
• "If we made some adjustments now and stuck with them for a year, what would that open up for you?"
• "How could we frame this as a pivot toward more options, not fewer?"

Advisor Tip: Watch for moments of client insight: shifts in tone, energy, or body language. If something lands – perhaps they say something like, "I guess that would feel better" or "I hadn't thought of it that way" – pause and reflect it back:

• "That feels like an important insight; do you want to explore that more?"
• "It sounds like you're seeing this from a new angle. How's that sitting with you?"

These gestures show attentiveness, build confidence, and reinforce the advisor-client bond. And the insights that tend to arise in this step often represent a turning point for the client.

Step 4: Define A First Step And Frame It As An Experiment

Goal: Turn insight into action without overwhelming the client or demanding perfection.

Why These Work: Clients may now be ready to do something, but they're still navigating emotions and uncertainty. Framing the next step as an 'experiment' can lower the stakes and unlock momentum without triggering fear. It gives clients permission to try something without locking themselves into a major commitment. This framing also creates space to evaluate, adjust, and iterate, building momentum through small wins.

Sample Advisor Questions:

• "What's one small change we could experiment with right now?"
• "What would feel like a manageable shift – something that lets you enjoy today and still build a better future?"
• "If we try this for three months, how would you want to evaluate whether it's working?"

Advisor Tip: Suggesting a specific idea based on what the client has already shared can help move things forward while still giving the client control. For example:

You mentioned that discretionary spending has crept up more than you'd like. Would it feel manageable to try a 10% reduction in one area – say, dining out – over the next two months, just to see how it feels?

This blends collaboration with leadership. The advisor is still guiding the conversation, but in partnership, not authority. The time-bound nature of an experiment also creates an opportunity for the client and advisor to revisit and recalibrate later.

For instance, a client might agree to cut expenses by $400 a month for three months, but after seeing that it's more doable than expected, may later choose to increase that to $600. Framing change as a series of small, flexible steps makes it easier to build traction – and makes success feel attainable.

Maintaining Structure Without Losing Connection

Throughout this process, the advisor still sets the tone and direction of the meeting. Asking questions doesn't mean stepping back. It simply means guiding the conversation with curiosity rather than correction.

The tone becomes:

I trust that you, the client, can navigate this. I'm here to help you brainstorm and make updates to the plan.

This kind of steady, grounded presence can instill confidence. Clients walk away not just following a plan – they feel seen, capable, and supported, engaging with a path they helped create and believe in.

Wrapping Up The Meeting

To close the conversation, advisors can summarize the discussion and reaffirm the client's ownership of their next steps. They can also ask a final question that encourages reflection and centers the client's thoughts:

• "Is there anything we didn't talk about today that feels important?"
• "What would you like to come back to next time?"
• "Would you prefer a check-in on this in a month, or revisit this at your next review?"
• "What's your biggest takeaway from today's conversation?"

These kinds of questions reinforce the client's agency while keeping the door open for accountability and future support, without adding pressure.

A Flounder Meeting Isn't A Warning, It's A Window

When handled with care, a Flounder Meeting can become a meaningful turning point in a client's journey. It offers a moment to slow down, reset, and reimagine the future – because a shifting financial life tends to call for renewed alignment, agency, and confidence.

Advisors don't have to choose between empathy and action. With thoughtful structure and meaningful questions, they can offer both. And these are often the moments clients remember most: times when they felt heard, supported, and empowered to move forward!